If you were alive in the 1970s then you are most likely familiar with KISS. Even if you've never heard a single note from one of their songs, you can instantly recognize them on sight. Before I knew what they even sounded like, I knew how to draw their make-up designs. I knew their aura colors. I knew their real names and their stage names. I would draw them playing their instruments and have them playing the wrong instruments because I didn't know, I just knew they were a band and they looked cool. They were on TV. They were in my comic books. They were on t-shirts. They were in toy stores and on lunchboxes. KISS was everywhere.

   I first became aware of them when I would see ads for the solo albums in some of the comic books I read. This would place it around 1978. I was still pretty young, and as I recall, I wasn't sure if Gene was a girl or a boy because Gene sounded like the neighbor lady's name. One of the older kids at my bus stop had the Gene Simmons solo record with him one day, and this uncertainty was soon cleared up for me.

   The first time I heard anything from KISS was when a kid in my class brought in the Paul Stanley solo album and the music teacher put it on the turntable. I don't think we even made it a minute into the first song, I only remembered the first first verse of the intro to "Tonight You Belong To Me" and I can't be certain if it made it to where the guitar riff kicks in. Anyway, that was my first known exposure to their music, even if it was one of the solo albums. I remember thinking it was kind of cool. It was definitely different, as the only music I really heard at the time was what my mom would play in the car, but that was usually stuff like Neil Young and Fleetwood Mac.

   It was about a year later that I really heard a complete KISS song. There was a KISS song on jukebox at one of the bars my mom used to frequent... I know what you're thinking, but the 1970s were a different time and we lived in a small town in central Florida and kids were acceptable in some establishments during certain hours. So as I was saying, there was a KISS record on the jukebox, it was "I Was Made For Loving You" with "Hard Times" on the b-side. First I played "Hard Times" because that sounded like a less-mushy song than the a-side. I liked it. Eventually I decided to try the other song. I remember when that disco beat hit, my mom has a sort of "who played this" look on her face. She wasn't a fan of disco. I thought it was alright. I still liked "Hard Times" better.

   I didn't really follow up on KISS much for a while. Their star-power had begun to fade around that time and I wouldn't have much exposure to them again until they started performing without the make-up. We didn't have cable TV so I missed out on any of their stuff on MTV, but there was a new local broadcast station, V-32, that played some of their recent songs on their afternoon hard rock and heavy metal show. I was getting into those genres around that time so this started me wanting to listen to KISS again. I think the first KISS album I bought was a cassette of Animalize. I soon acquired cassettes of Unmasked and their most recent album at the time, Asylum. I realize these albums are not representative of the classic era of KISS, but it was the best I could do, your music collection was partially decided by what the stores would have in stock when you had money to spend.

   Since that time, I've heard a lot of KISS. I'm not KISS Army level or anything, but you can call me a casual fan. Their music doesn't break any new ground. They are decent musicians, but not phenomenal. One could even argue they were more style than substance. That's not necessarily a bad thing. You didn't listen to KISS to hear eleven variations on a theme, you listed to hear some catchy rock and roll played loud. However, if you want to listen deeper, you can. KISS went through many different phases in their career. The different eras are even conveniently marked off for easy digestion. I hesitated writing this article because I feel like I won't be telling anyone anything they don't already know. Maybe I will, who knows?

   Today, Böhse Onkelz have released their new, self titled album as they celebrate forty years as a band. For many of you, this is not a band with which you are necessarily familiar, as they are a German band and all of their songs are in the German language. Their albums are all intended for the German market. I don't believe they even tour outside of German speaking countries. In Germany, however, they are hugely popular.

   Böhse Onkelz is a stylized spelling of a term that means evil uncles. Their fans are referred to as "Nichten und Neffen" or nieces and nephews. If you watch any concert footage, you will often hear the entire crowd singing along, word for word. They have climbed their way up from sketchy independent labels to major labels and have even opened for the Rolling Stones. Böhse Onkelz are a model for achieving success in spite of a relentless assault from critics.

   The majority of the criticism leveled against them stems from their early years. Carelessly worded lyrics, record labels that catered to an unsavory crowd, and a skinhead aesthetic on their first album all contributed to an unflattering picture of them being painted by the media. Accusations of right-wing extremist sympathies followed the band throughout their career, but they carried on and continued to deliver to their fans. Even as large record store chains refused to stock their albums, they still charted well in Germany. The Onkelz were a force to be reckoned with.

   So in honor of forty years of Onkelz and a new album, let's go back to the beginning and see what all the fuss is about...

   Take a look at any long-lived punk band and you'll usually see one of three patterns. They will remain relatively the same throughout their life, like the Ramones; they will gradually change within the punk genre over the years, like Agnostic Front; in some cases, however, they leave their punk roots and go exploring for a bit. The Cockney Rejects are one of those bands that fit into that third category, which, for the purposes of this article, I shall call the Punk Progression Paradigm.

   This progression starts simply, the band is a group of young punk rockers, skinheads, or what have you. They release some albums, EPs, singles. Most of this early material sounds similar, it might vary a bit as they try to find their sound. Then something happens, maybe they get to a point where they realize they're getting repetitive, or a key member of the band leaves, or maybe they just want to reach a larger audience. Whatever the case, their sound changes significantly.

   The second step in this progression is the release of an album that is more in line with a sound that is rising in popularity at the time. During the 1980s this would often be a post-punk or new wave sound, or hard rock and heavy metal was another popular alternative. This would last for a few albums and then, either by conflict within the band, or just never getting the new sound to really catch on, the band's momentum just peters out. They'll often go on hiatus, explore solo work, or just call it quits entirely.

   The final stage is the return to form. The band comes back with a new album that has more in common with their earlier works than with their more recent offerings. Some old members may have returned to the line-up. Perhaps that old style they used to play is seeing a resurgence in popularity. Regardless of the reason, they return to that original style, older and wiser, and with that maturity reflected in their sound. The old energy isn't quite there, but the albums are enjoyable.

   So let's take a step through the Reject's catalog and see how they followed this paradigm...

     Originally, this article was one of those ranked-worst-to-best things, but that shit is tired. Instead I'm going to go year by year and talk about what makes these good or not so good.

     Hallowicked had its start in 1994 as the Hallowicked Clown Show, put on by the Insane Clown Posse on Halloween night. Every year, ICP gives away an exclusive single, or sometimes an EP, to the show's attendees. This event has been going on for over 25 years now, and in honor of over a quarter century of this event, I will give a critique of all of these releases so far, and I might throw in a little history, too.

     I have never attended one of these events. They usually happen in Detroit while I lived all the way down in Florida. I have to obtain one of these CDs second hand if I want to hear it, so I always get to hear these a little after the fact. These critiques are purely my opinion as to what makes for a "good" Hallowicked song. As an audio engineer, I might get picky about some of the production, but mostly it will be from a listener perspective, or at least that is my intent. Elements that I am looking for include the song actually being Halloween related, the quality of the lyrics, the "wickedness" of the beats, and the overall quality of the song.

    Most of these releases are singles, with each cassette or CD containing only one song. Several of them contain more than one song, usually an ICP song followed by one or two from other Psychopathic artists. A couple of them contain the back catalog of Hallowicked songs up to that point. One is almost a full length album of songs from the Psychopathic roster.

Starting at the beginning...